You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
