I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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