I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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