my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize