we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
