the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
