we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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