I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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