worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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