Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're too hungover to prance.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
