Umm I'm too high to move.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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