make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize