okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
