Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
