Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
