Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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