Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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