Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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