I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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