I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
