So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize