I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize