I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
