Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
