if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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