Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
