So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
