I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
