Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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