I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize