mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
