Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
