Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
