my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
