OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
