so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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