Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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