Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
