Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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