She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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