Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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