No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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