I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
