just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
