Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
