I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
