i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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