Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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