My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
