he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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