Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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