I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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