Where is the hickey?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
