after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
