everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
