I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
