I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
