it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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