grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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