WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
