I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
