does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize