i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
