Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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