...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
