Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My cat gives me a boner
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
