She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
