from now on my penis is your penis
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
