I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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