So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
