she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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