update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
