1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
