Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
