apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
