just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
